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Tell It Like A Lesbian: Advice & Encouragement

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Tell It Like A Lesbian,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years and yesterday she proposed. I’m flattered and really love her, but I don’t think I’m ready for marriage. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings? I don’t want to break up, but I can’t marry her yet. –Lacy K.

Dear Lacy,

My advice would be to tell her exactly what you told me. That you love her but you don’t think you’re ready for marriage. If she loves you as much as you love her, she’ll understand. Your feelings count equally in any relationship and you have every right to express your hesitation. Make sure she knows that this doesn’t mean you never want to get married, just that right now you don’t think it’s the best idea. There’s nothing wrong with waiting. Some people date for years and years without marrying, and that’s okay. This article might help too.

Dear Lesbian,

Could you give me some advice? Basically, I want to drop out of college because I hate everything about it. I can’t seem to make friends, I don’t enjoy the classes, and there seems to be no safe place for me. To make things worse, I’m nonbinary (they/them), and there’s no organization for LGBT people in this small town. What should I do? –Finn

Dear Finn,

College really isn’t for everyone. There seems to be this pressure that everyone has to go to college to succeed, which just isn’t true and often isn’t feasible for people. Depending on your skills and interests, you might do just fine without a degree, but this isn’t a decision to take lightly. NextShark has a helpful list of things to consider before deciding. You should consider all of your options before dropping out. Have you looked at a different major or thought about transferring to a larger college/university? Loneliness can be a huge factor in your feelings, and if you found a more inclusive campus (one more likely to respect pronouns), perhaps you would be happier. Think it over, and decide what you believe is best for you. Consult someone you trust, too. Someone who has your well-being in mind might be able to provide helpful insight.

 

Tell It Like A Lesbian answers questions every week, and is always accepting submissions. Have a question or problem and need advice? Or looking for a word of encouragement? Submit below! I never judge, and you don’t have to use your real name if you’d rather remain anonymous. I’d love to hear from you.

 

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A 22-year old poet and writer, Summer is the voice for Tell It Like A Lesbian and the features editor for TravelPRIDE. She loves horror movies, rock climbing, and is trying to start an herb garden in her spare time.

Advice

Tell It Like A Lesbian: Going After What & Who You Love

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Dear Lesbian,

How can I get paid for doing what I love? I have a passion for art, but there don’t seem to be any jobs out there for what I want to do. Am I going to be stuck working a job I hate? -Makala

Dear Makala,

The truth is that there are many people who don’t get paid for doing what they love, but that doesn’t mean they stop doing it. If you can’t find a paying job in whatever art field you prefer, you should aim for work in whatever other area in which you’re skilled. Art can be the escape you need on bad days. After all, they say that if you want to hate something you should do it for a living. This way, you can still step away from your art when you need to focus on other things.

Dear Lesbian,

A friend of mine lives about six hours away from me, and even though we don’t talk to each other very often, I have kind of a crush on her and I know that she’s single. We have a lot in common, but I’m afraid starting a relationship (or even asking her out) wouldn’t work long distance, especially if it starts as long distance. Do you have any advice on whether I should even try to ask her out? I really don’t know if it would be a good idea or end in disaster. -Annie

Dear Annie,

Plenty of successful relationships have started as long distance partnerships. While they present unique challenges, they’re certainly not impossible. The question you should ask yourself is, “Do I think I could handle such a relationship from the start, and what would that look like?” If you really do care for this woman, then you can’t let fear get in the way of potential happiness. You never know unless you try, as cliché as it sounds.

 

Have a question for Tell It Like A Lesbian? Submit below! I answer two questions every week and do my best to give helpful advice that’s never judgmental. This weekly column exists to help you with whatever problem you may have, so don’t be shy!

 

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Also published on Medium.

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Advice

Tell It Like A Lesbian: Weekly Advice

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Welcome to Tell It Like A Lesbian, a weekly advice column where I answer questions from readers from all walks of life! Feel free to submit questions in the form below, and get advice from a unique perspective (but you don’t have to be a lesbian to submit, I promise).

 

Tell It, 

I think my boyfriend of three years has been avoiding me lately (he ignores calls, makes excuses not to spend time together) but I can’t tell if he’s just busy or is actively avoiding me. He seems more distant than he used to and I don’t know how to fix it. I love him and know he loves me, but is this a sign that he wants to break up? -Victor

Dear Victor,  If the two of you haven’t discussed your concerns one-on-one, now is the time to do so.  He might be legitimately busy and unable to give you the attention you’re used to. But if you think something is bothering him, just ask. It’s better to ask than make assumptions and cause yourself excessive anxiety. If there is something bothering him, try to be open about his concerns and work to find potential solutions and hope that the connection can be rekindled. Relationships, especially long-term ones, require hard work, and this might just be a sign that your relationship needs some TLC. This article from Bustle may help too.

 

Lesbian, 

How do I approach women I’m interested in? I don’t have much dating experience and am pretty shy but waiting for someone to ask me out isn’t working. How can I not seem super awkward around my crush? -J.E.

Dear J.E., The way I see it, you have two options when asking someone on a date. Option 1: Plan a couple of potential conversation topics in your head before approaching the woman who has caught your eye. Say hi, and then ask about her job, or a hobby of hers. Comment on an item of clothing she’s wearing (maybe you like her bracelet or you have the same shoes). If she seems engaged in the conversation, ask if she’d be open to a date, or getting a bite to eat with you one day.

Option 2: Embrace the awkward! You’d be surprised how many people find a little shyness endearing. Plus, it’s flattering when someone openly expresses romantic interest. People of all genders appreciate honesty, and honesty makes for an excellent first impression. If you fumble over your words a little bit, don’t worry! Shyness isn’t a deal breaker, and everyone feels nervous when asking someone out. You’re not alone.

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Advice

Tell It Like A Lesbian

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I think I have a crush on my female roommate, but I’ve never really liked a girl before. I’ve thought for a while that I’m probably bi or a lesbian which isn’t really a problem, but I don’t know if she is into girls, or if she’s interested in me at all. Should I ask her out? –Camilla V

 

Dear Camilla, Normally in situations where you find yourself attracted to someone, it can’t hurt to give it a shot and ask them out. However, because you are roommates who likely interact on a daily basis, I would exercise caution. If she reacts badly, the living situation could become awkward or uncomfortable. But if she seems open to the possibility of a relationship (or at least one date), I would say go for it. The worst she can do is say no, and then you’ll know for sure what her feelings are.

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What do you suggest for a first date? I finally worked up the courage to ask a guy out that I’ve been spending a lot of time with, and I don’t want to mess things up. I also don’t want to do the normal dinner and a movie thing. How do I make this date extra special?–Jesse

Dear Jesse, Because you’ve spent time with him already, there’s no reason to put extra pressure on a date. The only difference is that things will be romantic instead of platonic. An alternative first idea could be to have a picnic, or a walk in a nearby park, maybe followed by going to dinner. Movies don’t allow two people to get to know each other, but dinner at a quiet restaurant can be pleasant, and eating is a good way to buy you time if you’re feeling awkward on your first date. Or, if that doesn’t sound appealing, ask your date if there’s anywhere in the city he hasn’t been before, and try to do that together. Maybe go to the zoo, or the planetarium, or go ice skating.  

 

Have a question or need some advice? Submit it below to ask a lesbian! Everyone needs advice from time to time, and I do my best to answer every question.

Oh, and you don’t even have to use your real name if you don’t want to. I won’t know the difference.

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