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How To Bring Your Queer Partner to Cousin Courtney’s Straighter than Spaghetti Wedding

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So you’ve weighed your options and decided that the night probably won’t end with fire and pitchforks; you’re attending a straight wedding with your queer partner. Maybe the bride is your cousin who once said she thought lesbians were weird or maybe you’ll be seated with Uncle Mark who still uses the word “gay” like a seventh grader. It’s safe enough for you to go, but are you going to be waiting and listening for inappropriate comments instead of Uptown Funk? We want you to have fun, so pack your chapstick and head out for a weekend of mimosas and misogyny. Here’s your guide on how to still have fun when you’re not sure how much of the crowd is waiting for the church to burn you right then and there.

Before the Event
Have the tough discussions first. Highlight any potential problematic partygoers and how open you want to be with them. If you’re normally loud and proud, but want to keep your sexualities on the down low, you’re not betraying your community. If you want to be out, but steer clear of Aunt Nancy at the buffet, go for it. Know what terms you’ll be using to introduce one another and be willing to change or have a plan to leave if one of you is uncomfortable at any time. Have a number for a local taxi in your phone before you’re at the mercy of the wifi in a Kentucky barn. Even if there are some specific people you want to avoid, what’s wonderful about a wedding is that there are usually loads of people there! So if someone misgenders you after you’ve been clear? Moonwalk your way to the other side of the dance floor.

What to Wear
Besides white, nothing’s off-limits. You don’t like wearing heels? You don’t have to femme it up. You love wearing dresses, but also want to keep the beard? Just keep it classy. If you are the best-dressed couple in the room, you’ll draw attention for the right reasons.

The Ceremony
It is tempting to believe that just because the service is overwhelmingly heteronormative, everyone is against you. Some people are just attached to traditions and haven’t paused to place gender and sexuality in context because they’ve never needed to. There’s a place for you in the institution of marriage if you want there to be. Bring tissues and thank Obergefell v. Hodges (2015).

A Conservative Relative Approaches You with Concern/Disdain/A Pitchfork

Breathe and remember that you were invited. The bride or groom decided that they wanted you at their wedding and you have every right to party the night away just as this person does. Then remember that this is wildly inappropriate. If this is a random person, a “mind your own business” will do. You know them? “Mind your own business, Janet.” Moonwalking away is always an option.

Dancing
Yes, dance together! Slow songs, fast songs, anything-that-mentions-a-slide songs! Don’t be the sloppiest couple on the dance floor because that’s just tacky, but if you want to be the second sloppiest, go for it! And if you’re feeling way too shy, but still want to dance, make your way out for the couples’ songs: friends do this one all the time too. Everyone will be too drunk to notice.

Final Notes
Remember they didn’t choose to be this way, this is just the way they are. If it gets painfully hetero, make it a game. Drink every time someone says “blessed.” Add a coin to the pile every time the groom performs his fraternity handshake. Print your own Straight Wedding Bingo (below) and turn your pain into sweet, sweet winnings. And the best way to ignore the haters might be to get caught up in the wedding madness: jam out to Uptown Funk, race each other to the chocolate fountain, and dance the Hora with people you just met.

Originally posted 2017-06-15 03:05:39.


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48 Hours In...

Weekly: 48 Hours In Miami – A Little Fun in the Sun!

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Summer is approaching, and it’s getting hot! Welcome to my new series. For the next 12 weeks I’ll be bringing you info on 6 different cities, and how you can make the most out of a summer weekend! I’m a beach bum so my first stop is Miami, which was my home for about 6 months. I absolutely fell in love with this city, it’s culture, it’s art scene, the food, and the beaches! Let’s take a look at how you should spend 48 hours in Miami!

Friday Night:

You’re arriving, probably from Miami International Airport. Best option is to grab an Uber and head over to your hotel, The Shelbourn, to check in. Feel free to grab a quick nap, as the night is just getting started. When I lived in Miami, we would get off work around 5pm (sometimes earlier) and have a rest before heading out for the night. So, sleep for about an hour, then get ready, because it’s going down!

7:00pm – Drinks at Monty’s Raw Bar

The night. Starts. Now!

You’ll love sitting outside in this Tiki style bar and restaurant with a pool in the middle. Bring your suit and jump in if you so desire! You’re going to want to get the Pain Killer. It’s a delicious fruity drink that stays true to it’s word and will definitely remove all pain. This drink comes in three levels, Pain Killer 1, 2, & 3, and corresponds with the number of rum shots. My advice, start with a 3, then work your way down! Remember, the night is young and so are you!

10:00pm – Dinner at Burger and Beer Joint

This place quickly became my favorite, and you’ll love it, too. Just like the name of the restaurant, they serve burgers and beer! My favorite is the Hotel California, a delicious beef patty topped with sharp cheddar, frilled onions, fried egg, guacamole, jalapeño relish, cilantro sour cream all on a brioche bun. Trust me, it’ll keep you going strong while you party the night away.

11:00pm – SCORE Nightclub

One of Miami’s best nightclubs in town. This bar has great music and dancing, and you’ll want to stay all night, but it’s just your first stop. Have a drink or two, do some dancing, and get ready for your next stop.

1:00am – TWIST Nightclub

Now the night hits it’s high point. This bar features 7 different areas, each with their own theme, from the British pub to the techno dance club. You’re sure to enjoy delicious cocktails, a great beer list, and decent wine selections.

4:00am – Uber back to the Shelbourn

Saturday:

12:00pm – Rise and shine, breakfast at the hotel

Let’s face it, you partied hard, didn’t you? Don’t go far. Today is dedicated to hanging out at the cabanas by the pool, walking down to the beach for a while, and lounging around. You’ll start with breakfast by the pool and maybe a mimosa or bloody Mary. Then it’s ultimate relaxation!

8:00pm – Dinner on Espanola Way

Take your pick. There are a dozen restaurants here to choose from, and none of them will disappoint. Whether you want a quiet sit-down spot, or you want something a little more Latin with dancing and lively music, you’ll find it all on this street!

10:00pm – Club Boi

This might get a little wild… Head over to Club Boy for hip-hop, Latin, Top 40, and R&B music, plus strippers! YOLO, right?!

Sunday:

11:00am – Brunch at The Local House

This place is not to be missed, but get there on time and get a porch seat so you can enjoy the breezes from the ocean not but a block away, as well as the ceiling fans that will keep you cool and comfortable. Try the Crab Cake Eggs Benedict and have a Bloody Mary for me!

1:00pm – Shopping at Lincoln Mall

This world famous shopping stretch is the best place to shop ’til you drop. I personally love the people watching, and there are plenty of places around there to grab a quick ice cream or snack if you get hungry! It’s the perfect way to end your trip to Miami!

After 48 hours, you’ll be heading back to the airport a little more tan, with less liver function, and a greater love for Latin food and Latin music!

Who’s joining me?

Originally posted 2017-06-15 01:27:17.

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The Death and Life of Marsha P Johnson Gives LGBTs’ a History They’ve Needed

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*To honor the gender fluidity of Marsha P Johnson, I will be referring to them as they.

 

We study our history, so we know from where we came. To learn about the American Revolution, we study the Founding Fathers, Susan B. Anthony for Woman’s Right, Martin Luther King Junior for the Civil Rights Movement. We are taught those histories. However yet the media and even history books have glossed over the gay rights movement, the one that is still being fought today. Who are our leaders? Where are their stories?

Thanks to director David Frances we have one, The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson a documentary released last month on Netflix. It tells the story of Marsha P. Johnson, their life as a transgender person, their activism in the LGBT community, and their mysterious death.

Even as a member of the LGBT community, until this documentary I was unaware of whom Marsha P. Johnson was, this Rosa Parks of the LGBT community. Therefore I was very much a blank slate about what this movie was going to be about. But nothing could prepare me for how emotional, impactful, and eye-opening this movie was going to be. This is a movie that blends both the past and the present, showing those in the community how far we’ve come, and how much work we still need to do.

The documentary uses a mix of never-before-seen footage, rediscovered interviews, and modern times, creating both a mystery that needs to be solved and a wake-up call.  This is especially seen in the opening of the film when we are shown a clip of people marching on the streets of New York , some waving rainbow flags, others holding signs, and others carrying a picture of a black, femme presenting woman, smiling. A Clark Kent type anchor man is heard in the voiceover, using the word “transvestite”, now an insensitive term, informing the viewer that it’s 1992 and Marsha P. Johnson is dead at 42 years old. Police say it’s a suicide.

But Johnson’s friends and members of the LGBT community believe that she was murdered.

This is not your typical documentary. Instead of a linear timeline or an autobiographical story of Johnson, we are given almost an LGBT detective story. An episode worthy of the show Cold Case, for sure. Our protagonist is Victoria Cruz, a transgender activist from the New York City Lesbian and Gay Anti-Violence Group and now amateur sleuth, about to retire, and her last case will be the 1992 murder of the beloved transgender icon.

While this is a movie about Johnson, we are given the personal backstory about not only Cruz and their personal history of assault, but other gay icons. For example, the movie goes into a side story about the LGBT activist Sylvia Rivera who co-founded STAR (Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries) with Johnson which was a housing and support program for young trans women of color.

We are also introduced to so many other transgender community members that it almost became overwhelming. One of the drawbacks of this movie was that there wasn’t enough time for everything. The film is only an hour and 45 minutes long and it is so jam-packed with topics and issues and people that the viewer can be completely overwhelmed with both information and emotion. Personally, I feel that Sylvia Rivera could, and should, have their own documentary. Also, I would have been fine with the film being longer which is a rare critique, but with some much to cover, it needed time to slow down.

However, what it may lack in pacing is made up with impact. This film is a bucket of ice-cold water, waking up everyone in the LGBT community. Many people believe that the LGBT community has finally gained equality because they’ve won the right to get married. That’s it right? The war is over? But that is not the case for our trans members in our community who are still suffering today and often getting the brunt of anti-LGBT attacks.

Throughout the documentary we see trans women homeless, in prison, assaulted, and horribly murdered, with no one else to lean on but other LGBT community members who are also vulnerable. These trans women, many of them people of color, are ignored by society, even their fellow LGBT members. This is said best at the most powerful and poignant part of the movie. At the 2016 sentencing of a man who confessed to beating 21-year-old trans woman Islan Nettles to death in Harlem three years early. One activist standing outside of the courthouse goes on a rant about the “privileged gays” who once protested with the transgender people for equal rights and then promptly left them to fend for themselves once they won the right to gay marriage.

“It’s LGB T. It’s LGBT,” the activist cries. It’s painful because it’s true. Transgender and “drag queens” created the LGBT movement, they were the representation of the community. But who was there to represent them when they were being murdered and attacked? Who was there for Marsha P. Johnson?

Going back to the detective drama genre aspect, we go into theories to why Johnson was killed. There’s even with a theory that the mafia did it (Stonewall Inn being own by the Mafia at the time). Again, this movie has a lot of information, with not a lot of time, and at the end, we don’t get an answer. But what we do get are the stories told by POC Transgender woman and the smiling face of Marsha P. Johnson, and that is priceless.

The verdict

As someone who came into this movie not knowing a lot about LGBT history, I was blown away. I learned so much from this movie. It opened my eyes to a lot of subculture and caste systems of the LGBT community of which I wasn’t aware. I loved the old footage they had of Marsha P. Johnson in drag singing (poorly), Cruz in her younger, model days, and other older, historical clips. I felt really emotional watching Cruz getting hung up on over and over again. It affected me in a lot of ways, even if it was overwhelming and confusing at some points. I recommend it to anyone wanting to learn about LGBT history.

Rating: 4 out of 5 Queens.

“The Death and Lift of Marsha P. Johnson” can be watched on Netflix

Originally posted 2017-11-17 17:41:28.

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Growing Up with Gender Neutrality

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Even before we are born, gender seeps through the womb like a glaze on a cake: very slowly, but all-encompassing, soaking what was a blank slate with gender norms and heterosexual expectations. From then on we slowly become more and more conscious of societal expectations, and unwritten rules and consequences. Whether they be intentional or not, the impact can be substantial.

Equality at Egalia

When people are young, they are malleable. The surroundings they are subjected to and the individuals that interact with them are instrumental in forming their first viewpoints of the world. Egalia, a preschool in Sweden, is a prime example of a safe learning environment that provides space to explore interests and activities that might be frowned upon or not offered in other preschools. “We don’t say, ‘Come on boys, let’s go and play football,’ because there might be girls who want to play football,” says Frida Wikström, the schools’ coordinator.  

Keeping the Ball Rolling

How does one continue the example of a safe environment shown at Egalia at home? It can actually be more difficult due to our own personal ingrained ideas about gender and what they look like. The first place to start in creating a freeing environment is the toy chest. Here are my top 10 picks for gender neutral toys:

  1. Stuffed animals – Who doesn’t love something soft and cuddly to carry around?
  2. Doctor Kit – I remember growing up with a Sesame Street doctor kit, and loving it.
  3. Building Toys – Legos, Lincoln Logs, blocks, etc.
  4. Appliances – Kitchen sets have always been a favorite of mine; cooking is a great skill to have, especially when you’re hungry!
  5. Play Food – A kitchen isn’t much good without some food to cook with!
  6. Tools – Fixing your vacuum cleaner, or changing a tire are skills everyone could benefit from learning.
  7. Bike or Trike – Once you learn, you never forget!
  8. Bath Toys – I was never a fan of bathing growing up, but having bath toys always made it much more bearable.
  9. Outdoor Games – Balls, frisbees, and hula hoops are all classics.
  10. Musical Toys – Who knows – maybe a toy xylophone will be the catalyst of creating a great percussionist!

Gender Neutral Clothes for Kids

Whether one is at Egalia, or at home, play clothes are a necessity. Here are my top 3 gender neutral kids clothing stores:

  1. Quirkie Kids – I adore how the majority of the clothes are images of cool things! Who doesn’t want a shark on a shirt?! Some shirts don’t resonate with me as much (“Still a boy” / “Still a girl”) but I can see how they could be validating for someone who is often told they are not behaving masc or femme enough for the gender they identify with.
  2. Baby Blastoff! – I am a VERY big fan of this company. Tabs are divided into shirts, pants, and bodysuits. Again, they are screenprinted with super cool images (trees, birds, dinosaurs). What captured my heart was seeing a child in a wheelchair sporting one of these awesome t shirts on the homepage – showing that ALL KIDS deserve awesome clothes. Representation of all types of kiddos is important, validating, and beautiful.
  3. Target – Target is setting an example by offering a ‘neutral’ setting under filters when looking at clothes. Supporting independent and local businesses is important and ideal. However, when we are in need of something affordable and closeby, it is wonderful to have validating and inclusive options.

Gender isn’t Garbage

I was raised very gender neutrally. Solid colored shirts and pants, not a lot of Barbies, and a whole lot of blocks and crayons. Even when I took ballet lessons from 4th – 6th grade, there were very few pink and frilly garments. There were times growing up where I wanted to present more femme. I wanted to wear clothes with some sparkle and sequins. I wanted to play around with makeup. There was a forbidden aspect that made it even more intriguing. This also applied to toys. The “boy” toy aisle in Walmart always looked more fun. There was action, adventure, variety, and more.

Egalia is more than just a preschool – it is an example of what all humans desire and deserve: “a space to feel security, joy and a desire to learn and develop many rich expressions, where everyone feels involved and where learning is for life!” Gender is not bad. Being assigned female at birth (AFAB) and loving dresses and dolls is not bad. Being assigned male at birth (AMAB) and loving trucks and pants is not bad. Eliminating gender isn’t the answer to creating a safe and fun environment to grow and play. Egalia acknowledges and embraces that. Critics have labelled the project as “gender-madness,” accusing the school of trying to brainwash the kids into a genderless homogeneity. Egalia’s not trying to do that. Gender is an important part of people’s identities, and the kids are free to embrace those differences.

Originally posted 2017-11-16 17:34:10.

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